11 tips to get you through your relationship breakup
Anyone that’s ever experienced a relationship break-up would understand the emotional upheaval that it brings about, but taken together with separating finances and parenting arrangements, it can create a perfect storm of emotion, anxiety and overwhelm.
‘Uncoupling’, whichever way you do it, typically involves some legal untangling of your previously unified affairs. It can include making a divorce application, dividing assets and liabilities, working out parenting arrangements, child support and considering spousal maintenance. Even for the most amicable of separating couples, it can be a lot to navigate, let alone for those facing hostility and conflict.
Wherever you and your ex sit in terms of civility of negotiations, there are our top 11 tips to help you through this period:
#1. See a lawyer to ensure you start off on the right foot
The initial aim is not to arm up to start a war of the roses. The idea is to get informed and empowered. You should understand your legal rights and your entitlements before you start a discussion with your ex to avoid:
Getting a raw deal
Feeling bullied
Taking off on the wrong foot and having to reroute later down the track
Seeing a lawyer is a confidential process that shouldn’t start any balls rolling without your say-so. At McManus & Co, we strongly recommend you have a one-off consult as soon as you can, which for some is while they are still in the relationship. This will mean you have the information you need to move forward with your separation in the way you want, and from a position of knowledge.
Our clients often see us months, sometimes years before they make the final decision to end the relationship. We often will not hear from them at all in that intervening time. When they are ready to move forward however, they know where to go and don’t have to waste valuable time and energy finding the right lawyer at an already difficult time.
#2. Make sure your lawyer is the ‘right fit’ for you
It’s important to find ‘your’ lawyer, that is a lawyer who shares your values and is on the same page as to how you’d like your matter handled.
Do research online, check websites and testimonials/reviews, and if you feel comfortable ask friends and families for recommendations. Ask to book in for a quick call with your chosen lawyer to see whether they are the right fit for you. Remember this is a person with whom you will likely have to share some vulnerable moments, so you want it to be someone you have a good rapport with. We offer free no obligation 10-minute chats with our family lawyers which you can book here.
#3. Do - Work out a strategy
There are many different ways to approach a separation from a legal perspective.
Those fortunate to have a good relationship with their ex, or an ex that is reasonable in negotiations, may feel that they can reach an agreement between themselves. If that’s the case, you might just need some help finalising your agreement. We offer various fixed fee packages depending on the level of support you need on our website here.
Others may not be able to reach an agreement with their ex, or for many reasons, it may not be practical to engage in those types of discussions directly. In a one-off consult, our experienced team of family lawyers can assist you to work out what kind of support you need and give you direction on the best way to proceed.
#4. Work through your legal rights
Family law is a complex area of law. Understanding your rights and entitlements will help you make better decisions as you navigate the process. Here are some of the matters your lawyer should help you to consider:
Property adjustment and property settlement;
Parenting arrangements (such as who the children are going to live with, and when they are going to spend time with the other parent);
Child support;
Spousal maintenance; and
Divorce (if necessary).
#5. Consider the impact on children
If you have children and are contemplating separation or divorce, the impact on the children is no doubt at the forefront of your mind, as it should be.
Studies show that it is the conflict between parents – not the separation or divorce itself – that is most harmful to children. Consider your children’s emotional and physical needs and if possible, try to work out cooperative co-parenting arrangements that prioritise the best interests of your children.
At McManus & Co, we’re Independent Children Lawyers appointed by the Court and have a wealth of experience in complex parenting cases. We can help you to draft a parenting arrangement that you have agreed upon or provide advice on the best way to proceed if no agreement is forthcoming.
#6. Communicate constructively and avoid threats
When separating, keeping communications civil can be easier said than done. If you are still communicating with your partner, try to have respectful and constructive conversations. Avoid hostility and threats. If you feel riled up when writing a response, consider holding off until you’ve calmed down. Frequently, those threatening messages wind up before the Court and a lot of the time, they aren’t showing your best side.
#7. Get organised
Be pragmatic and keep important documents, such as marriage certificates, financial agreements, financial records, property deeds, and copies of other important documents, in a safe place. These documents may be relevant and useful in the event of property settlement negotiations or other legal proceedings.
Leaving a relationship can have financial implications so it is important to be financially prepared. Make sure you have a clear understanding of your current financial situation, including your income, expenses, and debts. Consider creating a budget and developing a financial plan for the post-separation period.
#8. Seek emotional support and take care of yourself
Separation can be emotionally challenging. It’s important to seek emotional support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals to help you navigate the emotional aspects of the journey.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself too. This can include doing exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends and family.
#9. Be prepared for the process
Separation can be complex and time-consuming and can involve legal proceedings. Be prepared for the legal process to take time and be emotionally draining. It may involve negotiations, court appearances, and paperwork. While separation can seem daunting, seeking legal assistance can reduce stress and streamline the process.
#10. Make or remake your will
A separation does not automatically revoke your will, and if you don’t have a will, it’s highly likely that your partner will still benefit from your estate if you die before the separation/divorce is finalised. While you are reviewing your will, make sure you also review your nominated beneficiaries for your super and life insurance and check your power of attorney.
#11. Don’t rely on what your friend/Chat GPT/Google tells you
Yes, we know friends are well-meaning, and Chat GPT is an amazing chatbot, but just like you shouldn’t trust your unqualified mates or Google for medical advice, the same goes for legal advice. Each person’s relationship has its own individual set of facts and no two cases are the same.
Ending a relationship can be a complex and emotional decision, and it’s important to approach it with care and consideration. Take your time, gather information, and make informed decisions that are best for you and your family.
Our experienced team can provide you with tailored advice based on your specific circumstances on a one-off or ongoing basis.
Hopefully, this information has helped to fill in some of the blanks that you might have been wondering about. For all of our services, we offer a 10-minute discovery call if you just want to have a quick chat before taking the next step. If you’re ready to get some proper advice, book an appointment and we provided you with tailored advice to your unique circumstances.
